


Past And Present

by Iwanttotouchthebutt



Category: Supernatural
Genre: A plus parenting, Deaged Dean Winchester, Hurt Dean Winchester, Kinda lame Castiel, M/M, Rape, Sarcasm, Time Travel, drug usage, non con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2016-08-24
Packaged: 2018-08-10 19:58:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7859071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iwanttotouchthebutt/pseuds/Iwanttotouchthebutt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I wrote this two years ago when I slept even less then I do now.<br/>If I'm honest I laughed...a lot when I re read this.</p></blockquote>





	Past And Present

Castiel looked at Dean sadly.  
“Dean, there is...something in your past you must see again, to...remind you of who and what you are.”  
Dean stepped towards Castiel staring at him menacingly. “I know who I am. I'm Dean Winchester. I also know what I am. I'm a badass hunter, I'm human, unlike you and I'm abnormally sexy as well as pissed off at you, I'm also 'corporeal'.” he grinned, but it was not a normal happy assuring grin but a if you don't shut-up I'm gonna kill your face grin- it sort of creeped Sam out.  
“You're never gonna let me forget that, are you?” Sam asked.  
Dean shook his head no and sat down in a chair in front of Cas with Sam behind him.  
“Dean,” Castiel said pleadingly. “I would not ask you to do this if I did not have to but I fear I must.”  
Dean rolled his eyes at the Angel.  
“Why don't you just tell me 'who and what' I am?” He held up a hand in a 'problem solved' way.  
“Dean, I am truly sorry but this is something you must witness for yourself...again.”  
Sam stepped forwards and put a hand on Dean's shoulder. “Cas, why does Dean have to 'witness' this something again.”  
Castiel lowered his gaze to the floor. “I-I am not at liberty to say.”  
Dean threw his hands into the air and then smacked his knees standing up and starting to pace the room.  
“He's not at 'liberty' to say. Well that is freaking fantastic.”  
“If it is any consolation Sam is going to accompany you.”  
“What?!” Dean yelled.  
“I said 'if it is of any-”  
“I know I heard!”  
Cas's eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. “Then why did you ask me to repeat myself.”  
“I didn't!”  
“You are disturbed?” Cas asked.  
Dean looked at Cas with hate in his eyes. “Of course I'm 'disturbed'!”  
“Please explain?”  
“Because there are things in my past I don't want Sammy to see. Ever.”  
Sam- who had remained quiet- stepped forwards and looked at the two. “First off, it's Sam, secondly, I think you should do this.”  
Dean laughed at this.  
“See, you think I should do this, after you see my life you will never be able to look at me the same way again.”  
Sam gulped. “Yes, I will.”  
“You will what?” Dean sneered.  
“I will look at you the same, because you're my brother.”  
Dean glared at the floor.  
“OK.” He said softly. “What do we have to do?” He looked at Castiel.  
Castiel nodded. “You will be sent back in time, ages four to now.”  
“Four? Dean said his eyes going wide. “Please tell me I don't have to see it again.”  
'It' was referring to the day Sam and Dean's mother, Mary Winchester, had been put on the ceiling by a demon and then burst into flames, which had then devoured the entire upper story of the house.  
“I'm afraid you have to.” Castiel said.  
“Will Sam be there?”  
“Yes and no, I will send him back after that, but the child Sam will be there.”  
Dean closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.  
“Will I be in, like, a four year old's body?”  
“No, more like a thirteen year old's, everyone except Sam will see you as the designated age.”  
“Then why am I stuck being a thirteen year old?” Dean asked.  
“It was the closest I could get to your current age without surpassing the limit”  
“What limit?” Sam and Dean said simultaneously.  
Castiel sighed. “Dean had approximately an one-eighth of the psychological feature he has now when he was thirteen any more than that and his mind might implode.”  
“Yeah stupid.” Sam teased, Dean gave him the finger.  
“So, are you basically calling me stupid?” Dean asked Cas lowering his finger still glaring at Sam.  
“No, an adolescence brain can only hold so much, and yours is actually superior in all retrospects.”  
“So, really I'm actually the mastermind and Sam's the imbecile?” Dean teased.  
Sam glared at Dean.  
“Come on I get two points for using big words.” Dean insisted raising an eyebrow.  
Sam smiled at this and playfully punched Dean in the stomach.  
Dean had been expecting this and decided to prank Sam, Dean fell to his knees groaning and clutching his stomach.  
Sam and Cas both moved towards him but Sam reached him first.  
Sam grabbed Dean's shoulders and Dean grabbed Sam's shoulders and leaned backwards pulling Sam with him, then he rolled over and crouched on top of Sam's chest.  
“Gotcha.” He said grinning, “God you need to practice.”  
Sam rolled his eyes and suddenly shoved Dean off of him and seconds later was crouching on Dean's stomach.  
Dean whimpered as Sam placed his knee on a tender bruise on his stomach that he had received during their last hunt.  
“Say uncle.” Sam taunted.  
Dean stayed silent.  
Sam pushed harder into the bruise causing Dean to yelp.  
“Come on, I don't do this until the third date, Sammy.” Dean joked.  
Sam rolled his eyes at his older brothers lame joke.  
“Come on Sammy, you're no fun.” Dean said, and then the two lay-down to catch their breath.  
“So, Cas, will all of the pain still be there?” Dean asked from his position on the floor.  
“I am afraid so.”  
“Well, even better.” Dean said sarcastically. “Will...will Hell be there?”  
“I am sorry but yes, it will.”  
Dean smacked the floor and jumped up. “Well how long is this gonna take because I spent forty freaking years in Hell.”  
“It will take around three days.”  
“Three days? I've been alive for more than three days!” Dean said.  
“Yes, but we want this to go as quickly as possible.”  
“Yeah that’s another thing who's 'we'?”  
“The angels.”  
Dean chuckled. “'The angels'? The frigging Angels want our help? The last time I checked they were trying to kill us.”  
Cas glared at Dean. “Only a dozen or so Angels wanted to kill you, and for good reasons.”  
“Oh yeah the frigging Apocalypse. Well guess what, because of Sam that didn't happen.” Dean said.  
“Hey dude give yourself some credit.” Sam said to Dean.  
“Yeah I get some credit because I let you jump into Hell and let you give me brain damage. I'm sorry but I don't think I get any credit!” Dean said, his voice getting dangerously low.  
“I gave you brain damage?” Sam asked incredulously.  
Dean growled deep in his throat. “Yeah, you did.” He dropped his gaze to the floor ashamed he had let that knowledge slip out.  
“Why didn't you tell me?” Sam inquired.  
“Look man, it wasn't your fault Lucifer did it, and you just came back from Hell why should I make you feel guilty?” Dean asked. “Plus Cass healed it.”  
Sam stepped towards Dean and then his face hardened and he punched Dean in the face.  
Dean had not been prepared so his head snapped back and everyone heard a resounding crack.  
“Ow, Sammy that hurt.” Dean said wiping away the blood that was gushing from his nose.  
“Because I'm your brother, that's why you should have told me!” Sam yelled. “You're always doing this! If you're hurt you don't tell me or anyone else until it's too late!”  
“Well would it help if I told you I'm hurt because you just broke my friggin’ nose?” Dean asked.  
Castiel rushed forwards and lay two fingers on Dean's forehead. Dean hissed as the cartilage snapped back into place, blood continued to come from his nose but it was slowing down.  
“Thanks Cas.” Dean said, and then glared at Sam.  
“Dude, how many times do I have to tell you this before it gets through your head? Not. The. Face.”  
“Your face couldn't get any worse.” Sam teased.  
“Oh yeah look who's talking, the offspring of Bigfoot and Sasquatch.” Dean taunted.  
“You do know you're talking about your parents too, right?” Sam asked.  
“Oh yeah I forgot to tell you about that, I found you on our doorstep and I was the one that asked if we could keep you.”  
“How do you know Bigfoot and Sasquatch are my parent's?” Sam asked.  
“Oh, one look at your feet and face and we knew.”  
“Are you calling me ugly?” Sam asked.  
“I'm not calling you anything, ugly.” Dean said innocently.  
“I thought that you said that their was no such thing as a Bigfoot?” Cas interjected.  
Dean grinned. “Well, yeah.”  
“Then why are you claiming that Sam is the offspring of something that does not exist? Or does Sam not exist?” Cas asked and then noticed Dean's smile. “Or was that humor?”  
Sam and Dean both laughed at Castiel's confusion.  
“Yes Cas, that was 'humor'” Sam said.  
“Oh, I understand now.” Cas said.  
“Do you? Do you really?” Dean asked starting to laugh again.  
“So, will Sam or I be able to change anything?” Dean asked getting back to business.  
“No.” Cas answered.  
“Well, even better. So what's the scoop on Sam ? Is he just gonna be some weird guy hanging out in the corner? Or is he gonna be there and yet not be there?” Dean asked.  
“Sam will be invisible, well, to everyone but you. You will be able to interact with him as well as see him.”  
“So, he's gonna be the creepy guy stalking me? Great. Can he get lost? Like can we get separated?”  
“No, he has a live feed-I guess you could say-to you anywhere you go he will go.” Cas answered.  
“That's even worse!” Dean complained. “So, is he gonna like stalk me into the bathroom? Creepy brother watching me pee thing?”  
“No, he will be at all times within ten feet of you.” Cas explained.  
“So, it'd have to be a big-ass bathroom.” Dean Said.  
“You will cover all things that caused you to be the individual you are today.” Cas said.  
“Such as...? Dean said.  
“The day you lost your virginity-”  
“Aw hell no.” Sam interrupted. “I don't want to see Dean make out with Sheila Portmanteau!”  
Dean laughed sadly. “Sammy, I didn't lose my virginity to Sheila what's her name.”  
“What? Then who?”  
“Well, I guess we're gonna find out.”  
“You mean you don't remember?”  
Dean laughed. “I remember alright, trust me, I'm never gonna forget.” Dean paused to look at the floor when he looked up his face was unreadable. “So are we gonna do this shit or what?”  
Cas leaned forwards and touched Dean's forehead, Dean's eyes rolled u and closed. Castiel turned to Sam. “Be prepared to catch him.”  
Sam was about to ask what he meant when Dean's knees buckled and he started to fall to the floor. Sam caught him just as his knees cracked against the hard tile.  
Sam dragged Dean over to the bed and carefully set him down on it.  
“What do we do now?” he asked.  
“Now we wait.” Castiel replied.

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

“Goodnight sweetheart.” Mary Winchester said tucking four year old Dean in.  
“Mom?” Dean asked.  
“Shh, it's time to go to bed my sweet apple pie.” Mary said kissing Dean's forehead, her long blond hair tickling his nose causing him to sneeze.  
“Bless you, baby. I'm gonna say goodnight to Sammy OK?”  
“Mom, don't.” Dean begged knowing what would happen if his mother left his room, but at the same time knowing what would happen if she didn't.  
Mary smiled and got up starting to leave the room.  
She turned to look at Dean before finishing the bedtime ritual “Angels are watching over you, baby.” And then she left.  
Dean got out of the bed and watched as his mother as she peeked into Sam's room and went down the stairs.  
Mary ran back up the stairs moment's later and ran into Sam's nursery. “Sammy?!” She yelled and then she screamed.  
“Mary?!” John Winchester yelled from the living room, downstairs.  
Dean heard his father's heavy footsteps on the stairs as he ran up to Sam's room.  
Dean watched his father run into the room and then Dean ran in after him.  
Dean looked up, and there was his mother. Her mouth open in a silenced scream, blood coming from her stomach starting to soak her white night gown, her blond hair surrounding her face like a lion's mane.  
John reached into the crib and pulled Sam out, suddenly Mary burst into flames but she stayed on the ceiling, burning.  
“Dean!” John yelled. Dean was there in the blink of an eye. “Take your brother outside as fast as you can!”  
Dean took Sam from his father and ran. “Mary!” John yelled behind him.  
Dean ran outside and waited for his father.  
Baby Sam started to cry. “It's OK Sammy.” Dean reassured watching the house carefully.  
The upper story burst into flames and suddenly John was there picking Dean and Sam up and running.  
Mary was dead, they hadn't found her body it had been burned to ash in the heat of the fire.  
Dean and John sat there Sam sleeping in Dean's lap, the neighbors crowded around them but as far as Dean was concerned he was all alone.

Then everything was gone and replaced with a crappy motel room, with two Sam's in it, a little Sam and older Sam.  
Dean watched Older Sam as he walked towards younger Sam, older Sam stared back.  
Dean walked up to younger Sam.  
“What's that?” He asked jumping onto the couch.  
Sam was wrapping a small shiny object in green tissue paper.  
“It's an amulet, uncle Bobby gave it to me to give to dad.”  
“Cool.”  
The next day Sam would give it to Dean after he found out that their father had not been home for Christmas.

Suddenly everything disappeared then older Sam was there. “Sam?” Dean asked.  
“No the Easter bunny.” Sam rolled his eyes. “Of course its me. Now who are you and what did you do with my brother?”  
Dean raised his hand. “Hey Sam.”  
Sam's eyes went owl and he laughed. “Wow you really were short as a kid.”  
“No, you're just Bigfoot.”  
Sam snorted and then noticed the water in the corners of Dean's eyes, oh yeah, he had forgotten about his mother.  
“You OK?” He asked.  
Dean reached forwards and hugged his brother.  
“OK who are you and what did you do with my brother?” Sam asked hugging Dean back.  
Dean pulled back. “No 'chick flick' moments”  
“OK, jerk.” Sam said.  
“Bitch” Dean replied,suddenly they were in a subway.  
Sam didn't recognize it but Dean did.  
“Shit.”  
“What?” Sam asked.  
“This is where I lost my virginity.”  
Sam looked around the filthy subway.  
“I'm surprised you didn't get an infection.”  
“Well, I met the person here then we left.”  
“Well who's the stupid-I mean- sexy lady that's gonna show up?”  
“Sam, promise me you're not gonna freak out if I tell you?” Dean asked.  
“Is she really that ugly?” Sam teased before noticing Dean's serious face. “Fine, I promise, now, who is she?”  
“He.” Dean said, Sam's eyes went wide. “And I know what you're thinking I'm not gay or anything, and I don't remember what his name is, I was to drugged out.”  
“Dean!” Sam yelled  
“What!” Dean yelled back tensing up automatically,  
“You took drugs?!” And then he realized Dean would never purposely harm his body. “Were you raped?”  
The silence that followed told Sam the answer  
“Oh my god, Dean! You were raped! You never told me! Why?!”  
“Because I wanted to be your older brother, not some moron that went off and got himself screwed!” Dean cried.  
“You stupid asshole.” Sam muttered.  
“I'm sorry that I wanted you to think your brother could help you if you had a problem or some jackass at school trying to beat his ass!”  
“I wanted to know that my brother wasn't perfect!” Sam yelled back.  
At this Dean burst out laughing. “So if I got raped then I wouldn't be perfect, therefore you would be happy. Maybe you should realize that you're talking to fuck-up Dean Winchester here! The kid that couldn't save his mom, and couldn't save his dad, so when he got a chance to save his brother he's gonna jump at it, and he doesn't care if it lands him a spot in Hell, he's not gonna let his brother die!”  
Dean turned and punched a crumbling wall causing it to all but completely crumble.  
Sam watched as broken cement cascaded to the floor.  
“Dean, man, you couldn't have saved mom. You tried and that's enough.”  
Dean leaned against the wall and slowly slid down.  
“So, what do we do now?” Sam asked.  
“Now I hang out here. Let's see I was...twelve when this happened.”  
“What were you even doing here?” Sam asked.  
“You and dad were really butting heads about how you didn't get enough sleep and I was thinking that if you guys kept at it no one was gonna get enough sleep. I couldn't take it so I left.”  
Sam remembered the fight him and dad had been so busy fighting they didn't even notice Dean had left until the next morning when he didn't make breakfast. They looked for him for hours and they finally found him three miles away in an abandoned power generator. Dad had lectured Dean on how you didn't run from a fight and then made him run fifteen miles.  
“So did you go to the power generator or did they dump you there?”  
“Both. They dropped me off outside when I woke up it was raining so I went inside. Sammy what time is it?”  
Sam checked his phone. “twelve o four.”  
“Well they'll be here any minute.”  
Sam looked at his brother, his jaw was set and even when he was a kid he still had the defiant fire in his eyes telling everyone to fuck off and leave him alone.  
Suddenly their was a loud whooping noise and four tall muscular middle aged men were coming towards Dean.  
“Hey where are your parents, kid?” One asked.  
“Not here.” Dean said and shrugged.  
“Well what're you doing out so late, boy?” Another one asked.  
“Waiting for the train, what's it to you?” Dean said glaring at the man.  
The second man laughed. “Boy if looks could kill I'd be on the ground.”  
Dean smiled. “That's the point.”  
At this all four of the men laughed. “Boy, you sure are a fire-cracker.”  
“And pretty too.” Another one added.  
The fourth one that had remained silent grunted and shrugged.  
“Thanks man, but I already got a girlfriend” Dean growled.  
Three of the men smiled and looked at the silent man, who grunted.  
The next thing Sam knew Dean was on the ground.  
Dean yelled bloody murder. “Fuck you!”  
“No,” The previously silent man said. “Fuck you.”  
Sam hurried to Dean's side and started hitting and kicking them but nothing happened his arms went right through.  
“Get out Sam!” Dean yelled.  
“So there's another one here, huh?” One of the men said, he patted Dean's leg. “Don't worry, we'll get him, as long as he's as pretty as you.”  
“I'm not pretty! Pretty is for girls! Fuck you, you mother-” That was as far as he got before the silent man put a gag in Dean's mouth.  
“Shh, pretty boy, shh.” The man said and patted Dean's head.  
Sam kneeled down next to Dean's shaking form.  
“Dean?” He said hesitantly. “Dean it's okay, they can't see me.”  
Dean looked at Sam and let out a shaky breath reaching up with his hands to remove the gag.  
“Well, isn't this just fan-fucking-tastic?  
Sam snorted. “Yep. You OK?”  
Sam knew it was a stupid question, his brother was going to go through everything that had ruined his life starting with his mom dying and now getting raped.  
“Man, I am awesome.” Dean said sullenly.  
Sam smirked and let out a breath, “Well,” He said standing up and groaning. “This is fun”  
“Hell yeah” Dean looked around quickly. “They'll come back any minute and drug me, this was the worst part.”  
“Why?” Sam asked.  
“Ding Ding Ding! You have won an overdose!”  
“They OD'd you?!”  
“Yeah why do you think I was so screwed to Hell when you guys found me?”  
“But dad made you run fifteen miles.”  
“Yep.”  
“Fifteen miles.”  
“Uh huh”  
“Fifteen miles”  
“You know saying something more than once doesn't change it.” Dean snapped.  
“I know but...”  
“Yeah Sam I get it I ran fifteen miles with a torn ass, who cares?”  
I do, Sam thought.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this two years ago when I slept even less then I do now.  
> If I'm honest I laughed...a lot when I re read this.


End file.
